Lessons Learned

A week has past since i almost lost my little girl. I feel like a new man now, changed forever by the events that occured just days prior. I've realized that the things that I took for granted just weeks ago are the things that I long for now. To be woken in the middle of the night by a crying baby, to change dirty diaper after dirty diaper. To have to put something of mine on hold to spend time with my daughter. I read the news and am utterly disgusted with the news of parents who choose to end the lives of their children while I sit here begging, yearning for the day when I can hold mine again. God has taught me a few things that I hope will be forever engraved in my heart when we leave here. One being that no matter how much I want to be, I am not in control. God is in total control of the universe, the earth and the sun and for some reason, my frail and minuscule, sinful life. This brings my love and adoration of him to completely new place. Secondly, that life really is but a vapor. God is the giver and taker of life under his good and perfect will and I am not one to question his reasoning. Thirdly, that I serve an amzing God who is still in the business of working miracles today. He is the same today as he was yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. And for that alone I would be forever grateful. We are almost out of the woods and Christ Jesus gets all the credit. Thank you Father, I don't deserve it but you choose to work this in my life out of your love for me. I may never get that but at least now I appreciate it so much more.

God is enough

I love listening to John Piper and one of his famous sayings is that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. I was thinking about that while going through this with my daughter and just asked the question "what does that mean?" Here's the answer if anybody ever has problems understanding piper, God is enough. In my situation he is enough. He will sustain me, He will provide for me, heal my hurt and forgive me when I fail. He is enough. He is sovereign over this and he will be all I need to get through. When I am tempted to rely on something else to get me through or distract me, he is enough. And through that, by making known that he is enough for me in this situation and every one from this point forward, God will be most glorified. At your lowest point, God is enough. When people see that God is enough at that time in your life then he will be most glorified in you. May my reliance on Christ be ever greater than it is now, may I truly know that HEe is enough for me in this situation and in every other, not so that I may be comforted but that he may be glorified.

Stuck, Angry, Helpless and Confused.

I have never in my life been made to endure such trying circumstances and I can't help but feel as though there is nothing I can do. So when there is nothing you do, faith becomes something you rely on heavily. What I'm learning is that I've had a hard time relying on faith for my whole life and so now, when I need it the most, I am lost. My mind says curse God, shake your fist and renounce all the things you said you believed..how could this happen? An innocent childs life hangs in limbo and multitudes are put through the pain and agony of a silly waiting game. Part of me says to God "Show me why I believe in you!" I write this as I am stuck...at home with a virus of my own, unable to be at my daughters side, my cellphone is dead and my charger is at the hospital. I can't go get my son because he would become sick and has already been exposed to the RSV and we can't risk anything infecting him. I am angry because of my impatience and my own sense of self importance. Impatience because this is taking so long and I am growing increasingly scared with every waking minute. My self importance because I thought something like this could never happer to me. So many people say that and yet so many can't grasp the concept that we are all succeptible to anything. I go back to faith because my anger and frustration does me no good it adds to the pain. So i cry out to God instead to please heal this little one that cannot fight for herself. How can I grasp that she is indeed God's to take if he chooses? How as a parent do you find a peace in that? I don't understand that but I do know that this did not take God by surprise. Maybe it's time to actually put my faith to action. To stop talking about it and start doing it. My peace (when I have it) comes in the gospel. In knowing that this is not my fault. There is nothing I did to cause this. My wife did nothing wrong to bring this on. We are a product of a broken, imperfect body, and indeed susceptible to disease, injury and death. But Jesus has redeemed us, and I am thankful and encouraged, as hard as it may be, that one day we will have a perfect body. I pray that my faith will increase as I wait and pray and cry.

The Assurance of Salvation

I confess that while I have come a long way in my journey to seperate myself from religion and fully embrace the truth of the Gospel that there are many times that I truly struggle with the things that I have been taught all of my life. Salvation being one of them. I had a good friend confess to me today that after 30 years of "playing" church that he finally accepted Christ. This came as a huge shock to me because I regarded him as a child of Christ. Through the conversation he told me that while he had accepted Christ at an early age that he had never developed a relationship with Him. His daily prayer life and worhsip activities were non-existant and he constantly struggled with sin. While I rejoiced at his boldness and honesty I couldn't help but wonder where the line was drawn between saved and lost. Is the belief in Christ at the root of our salvation or do our works indicate our true beliefs. If a person struggles with sin daily and is not able to overcome it does that make them lost even though they believe that Christ is the Son of God? Is it religion that teaches us that a prayer is all it takes to be saved? Is the struggle to establish a relationship with Christ truly an indicator of your salvation or is it simply a lack of understanding of the Gospel? The Gospel teaches us that we are free from the law and that we are forgiven from our sins. We should not be guilted by our sin to think that we are not saved but rather we should be convicted when we do sin and repent from those things. It does not say that we are perfect. Is sanctification not the process by which Christ transforms us to His likeness and thus our actions better reflect our understanding of the Gospel? I guess my struggle here is simply what qualifies you as being saved. I know that the Bible teaches that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Christ is Lord then you will be saved. But James also talks about faith and deeds and that faith without deeds is dead. I struggled for a long time with my salvation because I felt guilty that I was not the same perfect christian that I thought other people were. I'm finding out that we are all pretty messed up. But though I struggle it does not take away from the fact that Jesus is my savior. I know that ultimately only God knows who belongs to Him and who does not so at this point I will rejoice with my friend and encourage him as best I can. I guess I am realizing that while my awareness of the need for Gospel transformation came early, my understanding of it is just getting started.

Bringing up boys

I just wanted to share an exert from a book I've been reading by Dr. James Dobson titled Bringing Up Boys.

"We as parents are raising the next generation of men who will either lead with honor and integrity or abandon every good thing they have inherited, They are the bridges to the future. Nations that are populated largely by immature, immoralm weak-willedm cowardly, and self-indulgent men cannot and will not long endure. These types of men include those who sire and abandon their children; who cheat on their wives, who lie, steal, and covet; who hate their countrymen; and who serve no god but money. That is the direction culture is taking today's boys. We must make the necessary investment to counter these influences and to build within our boys lasting qualities of character, self-discipline, respect for authority, commitment to the truthm a belief in the work ethic, and an unshakable love for Jesus Christ."

I take a lot of pride in raising my children especially my son right now since he is old enough to understand what I teach him. I hope that fathers who read this would be encouraged to make the necessay investment in their sons lives if they have not already.